Whether you like it or not, the kilig will fade at some point in your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for months or years, it will fade. And that’s okay. That’s normal. At least, that’s what I think.
For those who don’t know what kilig is, especially to my foreign readers out there, Wikipedia says:
“In the context of Philippine culture, the Tagalog word kilig refers to the feeling of excitement due to various romantic situations such as making first eye contact with one’s crush or watching another person propose to someone. There is no exact equivalent English term for kilig.”
Before you tell me I’m bitter, hear me out first.
Based from my own experience and from the experience of some people close to me, I can say that kilig will eventually fade. And it’s not a bad thing.
There are number of reasons why the kilig will fade, depends on your situation I guess. Some became very busy with their career, some have kids, and some priorities changes. It’s just up to the couples to understand and adjust to make the relationship work.
For those who don’t know, I’m in a long distance relationship for almost 6 years now. It’s wonderful, but it’s not always about the kilig anymore. LDR is extra harder than your normal relationship. It requires a lot of work, reassurances, a huge amount of trust, and loyalty of course. Yes, we’re still together and we plan to keep it that for the years to come.
Anyway, it was full of kilig for the first 3-4 years of our relationship despite the distance between us. I would get sweet messages throughout the whole day, every day. Unexpected pictures/videos from him that I appreciate so much. We talk whenever there’s a chance. Back then, he had a lot of extra time and he makes time too. He was a full time student then.
When he graduated last year, things started to change. He started looking for a job and then eventually got hired. That’s when things started to change. His job demands a lot of his time, leaving me with an hour of chat in the morning, another hour during his break, and a chat when he gets home from work. It may seem a lot, but it’s never enough time. Never enough. But I remain understanding, because I support him in everything he does.
Slowly and slowly, the kilig vanished. It’s not the same anymore. I got scared for a second, I was overthinking.
“What if he doesn’t love me anymore?”
“What if he found someone new? Someone near him?”
I kept it to myself for a long time, until I couldn’t anymore and I snapped at him. We talked about it. He reassured me that he still loves me and that we will close the distance soon, we just have to be patient.
Sometimes, issues can be resolved easily if you communicate it with concerned parties. No need to make it complicated. But I know we sometimes overthink things.
Gosh. I love the guy! That’s why I try to be very understanding and very patient about our situation.
The other day, I saw a video on Facebook. It was a video of Rev. Fr. Manny Contreras, giving his homily. In his homily, he said:
“Love is a choice. We do not fall in love… We choose to love, we decide to love.”
And I think that’s so true and so beautiful.
Love is intentional. Just because your relationship became boring and became less romantic/less kilig, it doesn’t mean you have to give up. If you truly, truly love the person, you will make it work. You will both make it work.
The amount of kilig isn’t the same and the butterflies fluttering in your stomach have gone away. There is nothing wrong. It’s just how relationships flow as time goes by, so hang in there because you and your partner are going to be fine. If you feel like it’s just not the same anymore, take the time to evaluate everything and ask yourself if what you have is worth working on. Communication is very important.
It is also important to learn your and your partner’s love language. There are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Each one is important and expresses love in its own way. Learning your partner’s and your own primary love language will help create a stronger bond in your relationship. I’ll try to make a separate post about this.
That feeling that the kilig is gone isn’t reason to give up on your relationship or on your partner. It is not a reason to go looking for the kilig in someone else. That feeling, those butterflies in your stomach will be gone for sure after a few months, but just because it doesn’t feel the same anymore doesn’t mean that he’s not the same person you said yes to a year or two ago. Accept that things will change and that people grow. Choose to stay by his side and to stay in the relationship because, after all, love is a choice and not a feeling.