I discovered that I write best when I feel like crap. I want to apologize first because this post may turn out negatively… I don’t really know. There’s no direction, I’m just writing right based on my emotions. If you don’t need anymore negativity right now, I guess it’s better to read something else.
Honestly, I don’t know what’s up with me. Every single day, I wake up tired and unhappy. I feel like I’m getting close to the end of something uncertain. This is not me. I don’t know this me anymore. She looks so sad and down and tired.
I look at myself in the mirror and I realize I look really miserable. I feel insecure being with other people (especially people my age) because I feel like I’m so ‘manang’ and I kill the vibe of every party I go to. I don’t know when this started… it just happened.
Then there are these people I care about. They are at the top of my priority list and yet I feel like I’m not even on their list. You will know when you’re not given importance, right? It sucks! They don’t make the same effort that I do for them.
I know I shouldn’t feel like this. I know I should listen or help people without expecting anything in return, but I’m only human. I have bad days too. I’m tired of being the one who always listens, the one who always helps, the one who’s always there for everyone. I hate telling people how I feel or what I want, because I feel like I’m asking them to be something they are not or they don’t want and if they do after I ask them, it’s not really genuine right?
Ahhhh! Sometimes I hate my mind. It’s not a beautiful place to be in, really.
I just really want to be appreciated for what I am and what I do for everyone. I just want to feel loved, to feel that I am important.
And just like that, after writing all that, I feel a little better.
If you made it up to this point, thank you for reading! I appreciate it a lot.