An Open Letter for My Dear Father

Hi, Papa!

This morning I clearly remembered the moment you passed away – you looked at me and try’in to say something but you couldn’t get a hold of yourself that’s why I whispered in your ears ‘It’s okay, you can rest now. We’re gonna be alright’. By the moment I told you that, y-you just took a deep breath then you left. It’s clear that even in your last breath you are still the great father I ever had, we ever had. Even in your last breath you are still worried about us, maybe you’re wondering what will happen to us without you – our ‘haligi ng tahanan’. 

I don’t know how I’ve come this far. The day you died, was the worst day of my life. I even resented God for what happened to you, for all the people on earth why you? I lost it. I lost faith in the man that I thought you were. You were my hero and, to see the strongest man show weakness, was like my whole world crumbled down and it was the biggest tear down of my heart. Yes, I questioned my faith on Him, but thankfully God sent help to enlighten me. He sent a priest to talk to me, then I regret what I did and I know God had forgiven me. I wasn’t even sure how I was going to make it through the day. Still to this day, I don’t know how I’ve done holidays, graduation, and now going to be a college student. But I do know one thing, I’m doing it for you. To make you proud, even if you’re not here anymore to cheer me up. However, I have found comfort in knowing that you are still and will always be there every step of the way.

I’m sorry for not being the picture of a perfect daughter you ever wanted, but I’m thankful that you found a way to love me until your last breath. I’m sorry for the terrible things I’ve done to you, when we had a fight (back when I was a child). I’m sorry because sometimes I couldn’t obey what you and mom told me to do so, maybe I’m just being selfish, but I can’t help it. I’m sorry I am not considerate enough to Ella – my younger sister. I know we’ve given you a hard time especially when we fight on little things, I know it breaks your heart to see us in that way because you tried your best to be a good father and a good teacher. You did the best that you could and I’ve never been more grateful for the life you laid out for me,for us. We’re so lucky to have you.

Insert Ella

You even told me ‘You need to do a great job at school but don’t pressure yourself. Just do your best because what ever you do I am proud of you’. I just want to tell you that I really did a great job, for you but you’re not here anymore, to congratulate me, to see how grown up your girl has become, to see your little princess turning into a young woman. Thank you for always believing in me. Thank you for being strong when we’re weak. Thank you for all the memories that is worth remembering. But I just want you to know that Christmas time isn’t the same without you, but I’ll get through it. Just for you. 

I’m thankful for the 15 years I had with you papa, but I wish that it is so easy to want 15 more. Because I never set my pride aside in time to express it – to say I LOVE YOU in person. Not a day had passed, when I imagined what life would be like if you are still alive. Every year on Father’s Day, I have to admit (and this may sound silly), but I am a little envious of all the people who get to spoil their dads on Father’s Day. And on my 18th birthday, we talked about it when I was 10 (I think), we both agreed that you’re going to be my first dance because you were the first man I loved. But I’m okay, we’re okay. You raised us like you needed to. You set the foundation for the people we are to become so don’t worry that much because we know that you are in a good hands now and there is no more suffering.

Everything we do is going to be for you and we want to make you proud till our very last breath; just like you did.

Nobody can understand the broken heart that comes from a little girl losing her daddy. While the initial wound goes away, the scars and bruises stay forever.

The only family picture we had :'(

Today is your death anniversary, it has been  4 years since I last saw you, touched your hand, spoke to you, hugged you or just having you. It’s been 4 years when we lost you, but the memories you left us are still fresh, always be remembered and treasured forever. I wish I could set aside the resentment and speak aloud things that you deserved to hear.

Thank you for being my knight and shinning armor, my guardian angel and mostly thank you for being my father.

Love,

Your girl, who misses you a lot.

P.S. We don’t have much pictures together because we didn’t have camera phones back then.

3 thoughts on “An Open Letter for My Dear Father”

  1. Erica,

    It’s never easy dealing with the loss of a loved one. Let me tell you something, my grandmother passed away on May 1 — exactly one week ago. I never thought it would happen. Though she has lived to a ripe old age of 92, her sudden passing was still a shock to the family.

    Your letter to your dad is a beautiful one. And I’m sure he’s reading it from above.

    As for me, I can only offer you a phrase from a speech that the late Steve Jobs gave at Standford University years ago when he was still alive but was already diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

    It has a very meaningful phrase and I hope it is able to give you some comfort on this day of your father’s death anniversary.

    Steve Jobs:

    “No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there.

    And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it.

    And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life.

    It is life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away.

    Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.”

    1. Sorry for your loss Jesper and thank you for the short but concise words of wisdom.
      I will always keep that in mind. 🙂

    2. Condolences. Keep fighting!
      Life is like this, all you need to do is fight no matter what!
      Because the best thing is yet to come.

      Btw, Erica, this letter you made for your father inspires me a lot! Keep writing! I’ll look forward to it! 🙂

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